Wednesday, March 5, 2008

SO MUCH TO SAY

AND HOW THE HELL CAN I?
I NEED TO RANT
BUT TOO MANY PEOPLE READ THIS BLOG

I FEEL LIKE I AM BEING PULLED INTO A MILLION DIRECTIONS
AT 38 I THOUGHT MY LIFE WOULD BE DIFFERENT
I NEVER THOUGHT ID BE WORKING THIS HARD STILL
I THOUGHT ID BE ABLE TO TAKE A BREATHE, ENJOY

I DONT REMEMBER A TIME WHERE I COULD JUST SIGH
AND NOT WORRY ABOUT THE NEXT DRAMA
I AM MISSING SO MUCH
I AM ALWAYS SO TIRED

SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE

DO PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME KNOW HOW HARD I WORK?
DO THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME WORRY ABOUT ME?

AM I JUST BEING "DRAMATIC" ?MAYBE?
BUT I CAN DO WHAT I WANT I GUESS

I FEEL LIKE I SPEND SO MUCH TIME MAKING SURE EVERYONE ELSE/EVERYTHING ELSE IS OK, THAT WHEN I FINALLY GET AROUND TO ME I EITHER DONT CARE OR TOO EXHAUSTED.

AND I KNOW THAT HAS TO CHANGE. I KNOW I NEED A SORT OF MENTAL MAKEOVER.

I KNOW MY LIFE ISNT BAD. I KNOW I HAVE SURMOUNTED ALOT OF OBSTACLES. I HAVE PLAYED AGAINST TYPE MY ENTIRE LIFE. AND FOR ALL MY BITCHING I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE JOURNEY. BUT I AM TRULY AT A FORK IN THE ROAD. AND I AM CONTEMPLATING WHERE I GO AND WHAT I DO. I WANT TO BE HAPPIER( AND I AM HAPPY) BUT I GUESS I WANT MORE JOY. THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT..JOY. AND I WANT IT AT WORK, AND I WANT IT IN MY LOVE. I HAVE IT WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

SO , HERE'S TO JOY

4 comments:

tmarkum said...

Jason, I went thru this a 2 years ago. I had a biz partner and was making ton's of money. But everyday I woke up feeling like I should be happier for all the effort I was expending. It took a major change in my life to achieve a greater measure of happiness. Do I miss the huge paychecks, sometimes but I am stil happier than I was then. So Jason, it is possible to be happy(happier). I wish you luck with your quandry.

newwavegurly said...

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people that never find joy in what they do for a living. It truly is "a job" as opposed to a career that they enjoy.

It's a matter of finding something that allows you to have the quality of life that you want for yourself. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to earn the fattest of paychecks, but there are so many other intangibles that factor into it. It's one of the reasons why I changed directions in my career a couple of years back.

I could be making a lot more money, but I'd also be working a lot more hours and getting less fulfillment from the work I do.

It's a choice, my friend. Not always an easy one, but a choice. I'm sure you will find a path that is right for you too.

MR style said...

it's sad to say that once in our life we feel like we gave so much to people that we're empty right now even broke not money but love, joy....and the worst comes when we realize at the end, after all those efforts to help, encourage, heal others...etc that our life is so absurd

Lynn & Horst said...

i don't think life is absurd,
it's sometimes frustrating, boring, depressing, yes, and we all are looking for true fullfillment, but i feel there's this strong tendency to want more and to escape - and i cannot exclude myself from that - everyone needs another world, a private room - ikai in japanese. may it be friends, family or love. i'm happy with the job i have and i'm really into career - but that's not my life, but we all just want to be safe, living without risks but dare somethin, feel the thrill. omg what am i talking - is that a couch? sorry for that but maybe thinking and writin about it is a good way. best

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